Fish thoughts

It's no secret that fish are the laziest of all animals. Consider the warm, saltwater baths you indulge your feet in after an especially taxing double shift traipsing the floor of the town aglet factory. Now consider that this is the environment in which fish spend their every waking moment, floating effortlessly on warm ocean currents or, if they're lucky, the bubble-bath-esque wakes of a passing jet boat.

In fact, fish are so lazy that they can't be bothered to evolve unique species traits and instead crib their distinguishing characteristics from other animals. This well-documented biological plagiarism is evident in the "dogfish," the sea "horse," and the "tiger shark," a particularly loathsome hybrid that sullies the noble ferocity of the tiger with the moist, pallid gumminess of the useless shark.

Most common, of course, is the heavily whiskered "catfish," which half-heartedly chases undersea mice before falling asleep in an undersea sunbeam on top of your undersea computer monitor.